Friday, June 11, 2010

Journal for 6/10/10...reasons why I'm having the urge to self injure :(

Journal for 6/10/10...reasons why I'm having the urge to self injure :(

I got up at 7:30am and started making coffee, then watched TV till about 8:30am when I got online to text you good morning and send you my journal... I then started on my chores of washing the dirty dishes from the night before, sweeping the kitchen and bathroom floors, dusting and vaccumming... I texted with you for a little while throughout the day and you promised that you would take my razors from me on July 28th, when I come up there for the concert and that's the best news ever... but you asked if I was back to doing that again and I'm not, but I am having a really strong urge to do so again, but I know that I can't because I don't want to depend on it again and because you will be disappointed in me and that is something that I don't want to have happen :( I've been doing good on not swearing more then five words in a day and going to bed on time and getting my chores done on time and sending you my journals on time... except for today :( ... I am also doing good on respecting others :) I'm so/so with my attitude this week, but I have a feeling that is because of my urge to self injure and trying to ask you to make time to spank me to see if that will help with my urge to self injure *sighs*

My birthday is in 13 days and I'm kinda looking forward to it even though I know not many of my family and friends will remember it and I'll be trying my best to avoid self injuring myself as a gift to myself for my birthday like I do every year *sighs*

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